New Year Same You

This is not going to be a diatribe bashing self-improvement. I love self-improvement. I respect people who look at the things they want to change in life and decide to try and make those changes. But the key word is "want".

That's why I hate the saying "New year, New you". In the next 24-48 hours, it will probably be the most said 4 word sentence on every conceivable social networking platform.

But why, why does there need to be a new you? What's wrong with the old you? Why can't the old you decide to exercise more or learn to cook if you want?

Be happy with you and then upgrade the skills you want.

I think of it like D&D. After every adventure, you gain experience. That experience lets you learn new skills. Sometimes, when you level up, you just increase an attribute. Maybe you get stronger or smarter. But it's always a choice. Other times, you learn a new skill or talent...but again, always a choice.

In addition to that, your character's core components, their wants, their desires, their beliefs, their passions, those don't change. They adapt and they choose new skills and attributes to serve those needs.

So as we enter a new decade, I say, don't go for the complete overhaul. A lot of stuff about you is just fine! Just learn to cook with a wok or lift heavier things this year. Be proud of you for whatever you do...even if it's just making it through every day until 2021.

I'm proud of you and I love you. All of you...is that weird? Did I move too fast?

Top 5 - 11-18-19

1. First watches with my son. This time it was Ghostbusters.
2. Dark humor
3. Random Detroit adventures with my kid and my girlfriend.
4. Detroit Wing Company
5. A new weekly spread in my bullet journal

Top 5 - 11 - 13 - 19

1. The freedom to be late doing this (although I feel a little guilty and guilt is one of my biggest shackles).
2. A full weekend of random fun with my girlfriend.
3. Communication skills.
4. 2nd and Charles
5. Pie-Sci

Top Five 11-4-19

1. Time with my son
2. Time with my girlfriend
3. Time with my girlfriend and my son.
4. Time with my friends and my son.
5. Slow cooker chicken and dumplings.

An Experiment I Want To Try

With the way virality works, many of you have probably seen this video.

https://patch.com/maryland/annapolis/boy-fills-empty-trick-or-treat-bowl-his-own-halloween-candy

For those who didn't feel like clicking a link, which is fine, you work hard and you deserve to spend your energy how you want. I'll give you a quick synopsis.

A young child is trick or treating and he comes to a bowl of candy that has been left out by someone who wasn't able to hand out candy. They had their Nest camera on and captured the kid walk up to find an empty bowl. This beautiful example of humanity dug into his bag and put some candy in there so future kids won't know the disappointment he knew. He's a true winner and I hope I instill these values in my own son.

But there's one thing we're not talking about in the video and let me be clear, I'm not shitting on this kid because I think anyone would do this.

The kid is clearly paying attention to what he's putting in the bowl. I know that if I realized after I got home that, by some amazing coincidence, I'd thrown all my whoppers in the bowl by accidental. This kid is giving but he's not stupid.

So anyway, my experiment. When I have a house to pass candy out of (I'm currently in an apartment and trick or treating doesn't seem to be a thing), I'm going to set up a system.

Here's the bowl of candy, it'll have, say 10 pieces in it. Take a piece. Take two even! But, it's a 1 for 1 trade. You need to leave a piece of candy you don't care for. The next kid who comes up, they might looooove Necco Wafers and be so stoked and then one kid dumps some of his dead weight candy while making another kid's night!

But the real reason for this is data collection. In my mind, I would get a good amount of scientific data of the most hated candies in my neighborhood. If the bowl is 90% Sweettarts at the end of the night, then it's a clear indicator of the feelings of the kid population.

Plus, a lot of people don't like Whoppers for some stupid reason, and I feel like I'd end the night with a bounty of Whoppers, therefore winning Halloween. 

Top Five 10-28-19

1. Making a pork chop from frozen in my Instant Pot
2. Midnight screenings of Rocky Horror Picture Show with my girlfriend (her first time).
3. Chocolate whoopie pies
4. A hospital with good food and great staff.
5. The ability to be there for the people I love.

Top Five 10/21/19

1. Booksmart
2. Hanging out with my kid and my girlfriend.
3. Halloween activities
4. Doing well meeting many of girlfriend's friends.
5. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Top 5 10-10-19

A new idea I'm stealing from Razorcake Magazine. This is just my top 5 from the last 7 days. It'll be a weekly post on Thursday. It might just be a list. I might elaborate. You just never know. Anyway here's....

Top 5 10-10-19

1. Cider Mill Donuts
2. Nana Grizol
3. Dungeons and Dragons
4. Connections through long talks
5. Borderlands 3

Elvis & Tubbs #5: The Maudlin Years by Amy Allison

It's time for another installment. I need to remember to keep these weekly or I'll never finish. I'll make sure to add it to my calendar.

We're listening to Amy Allison's "The Maudlin Years" which, I got to admit, is not going to fit my mood today (I'm rather chipper if I'm honest).

As it starts, slide guitars over a melancholy old country sound tell me that I'm going to be bummed out again. Thankfully I'm going to the gym when this album is over and my workout playlist will pick me up again.

Cheater's World is the first song and I'm enjoying it. It sounds like modern-day Tammy Wynette, which is definitely meant to be a compliment. I appreciate people who do this old style of country in the modern era. I have no room in my life for the "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy"s of the world, but this I can get behind.

Hate at First Sight is next and what a great title! It's a little more upbeat, which is nice. Her voice is a little high pitched and I'm not sold on it yet. It kind of goes back and forth.

The Whiskey Makes You Sweeter has started and yeah, the voice is getting annoying. It's like she's singing through her nose, which is an odd choice for the type of music she's trying to make. The lyrics and the music are still giving it a boost. This song appears to tell the story of a woman who chooses partners that may not be great for her as a result of her drinking.

I like the intro to Put It In a Box. It sounds like it's played on a slide guitar and a cigar box guitar. I've always wanted to learn to play the Lap Steel. I think that would be cool. Her voice is a lot more tolerable here. Sometimes it sounds like she's doing an impression of a country singer...maybe that's what I'm finding annoying. It's a short and sweet song, over before I knew it.

Garden State Mall sounds like a pretty straightforward old country song. While singing about her shopping habits at the mall, I feel very seen by one lyric. "And a whole album, just for one song." I can only imagine how many records I bought in my younger years just because I loved the single. I was just thinking about that on my drive home the other day because I definitely purchased Joan Osbourne's "Relish" just because I loved "One of Us".

Anyway, this song is enjoyable enough, but she's back to that nasal voice and it's getting increasingly irritating.

 "Another Day to Cry" is on but I kind of got distracted with work, so I missed a good chunk of it. I guess I can start it over...But I really didn't need to.

"You Just Don't Know What It's Like" is really melancholy, definitely a song of heartbreak and loss. The verdict is out on this record I think. Great lyrics, great themes, great music...but this voice. I just don't know.

"This Misery" has my shoulders shimmering at my desk, so that's cool. I'm digging the lead guitar on it a lot too. I'm wondering if I'm doing any good at these little missives. I know one friend who has told me she looks forward to them. But I'm never fully engaged in the music...plus I'm no critic. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going "Meh, like it, don't like it." which is not a blog post, it's barely a tweet. I guess it was a lie saying I'm no critic. I'm the world's foremost Tubbs Critic.

"Everybody Ought To Know" is a song about people trying to keep their relationship quiet in a gossipy small town. Fun idea and it's a really enjoyable song. I love the small-town feel of it.

"Holding the Baby" is breaking my heart despite it's fun and upbeat sound. I hate hearing stories about dudes that abandon their kids. I consider myself to be a really engaged and involved parent and hearing the line "When she says 'Where's Daddy' and I say I don't know" is just murdering me as I can't even imagine Max going through something like that...fuck the guy this song is about.

I wasn't able to write anything during "My World Ain't So Blue" but it wasn't really a song that grabbed me either.

I listened to "Walking to the End of the World" while I went to the bathroom. I'm working pretty intensely on a project and so this has been harder to do than normal. Maybe I should start doing these at night when I can focus. I did like this song, it's one I could relate to in my earlier days where you just wanted one person so bad you would do anything to have them. When I think of how constantly I felt that in high school...Jesus man....it was bad.

"Shady Streets" is the last track. It's got some nice mandolin, another instrument I'd love to learn. It's a nice song, nothing remarkable.

In general, I didn't hate this record, but I don't see ever listening to it or recommending it to anyone unless they say "Man, I wish someone had put out an old country-sounding album with nasally female vocals in 1996." If you're looking for that...let's talk.

EC Top 500 Power Ranking

1. The Best of Cannonball Adderly - Cannonball Adderly
2. Abba Gold - ABBA
3. The Maudlin Years- Amy Allison
4. S/T - David Ackles
5. Subway to the Country - David Ackles

Elvis and Tubbs #4 - The Best of Cannonball Adderly

Starting with full disclosure here. Spotify doesn't have this actual album available..but I'm nothing if not dilligent, so I dug up the track list and cobbled it together in my queue.

I don't listen to a lot of intstrumental stuff and I don't listen to a lot of jazz, so this will be two new experiences for me. I'm thinking of this bit from one of my favorite commedians, Mr. Paul F. Tompkins.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKSMbPbuGYE

I will say, I am digging this a lot. I'm tapping my toes and bopping my head. Maybe I need to explore more jazz!

An interesting thing about instrumental music....I totally tuned out for a whole song, but when I checked in with myself, I was loving it. Holy shit...do I like jazz?!

We're on to Mercy, Mercy, Mercy and the track I'm listening to is live. I'm loving hearing the audience react to everything...although I'm not sure what exactly they're reacting too, which is mentioned in the standup bit above. Like, I'm just hearing the song and someone is like "Woah, alright now!" and I'm like "Why? It's a good song, but I don't see what's made that chunk so impressive..."

Wikipedia tells me this is his big single and it does sound familiar.

Dat Dere has started and I'm not sure if it's just that it's hitting me in the right place for my current mood, but I think this album is moving it's way to the number one spot. Before you say anything, I know I forgot to include my power ranking on the last two posts. I'll remember on this one, get off my back.

Why? (Am I Treated So Bad) is again a live track. It makes me want to go see some jazz...WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!!?!

The last track, Them Dirty Blues. I spaced out again, but I almost think that might be good when you're listening to instrumental stuff. It's good to space out to.

That was a really, really great album. I think I'm going to put it at #1

EC Top 500 Power Ranking

1. The Best of Cannonball Adderly - Cannonball Adderly
2. Abba Gold - ABBA
3. S/T - David Ackles
4. Subway to the Country - David Ackles

Dear Max - Month 49

Dear Max,

Hey buddy! Two letters in a row, quite a streak eh?

I think these letters could potentially get a little shorter. As time goes on, your development slows a little. Maybe that's not true but there are fewer firsts I guess.

So let's see. The most notable thing I can think of when it comes to speech is that in the last few days I've heard a few "dammit"'s out of you. I've always been careful to correct you to say "darn it" instead and you always apologize. Now to be fair, at the age you're reading these, I'm sure you've learned much more colorful and wonderful words than dammit. Probably from me! Language is a beautiful and masterful tool and swearing is an essential part of it. I hope that I've taught you to use swearing with effectiveness and purpose. When I was a younger kid, I would swear just to swear and it got boring real fast. But you'll learn as you grow older that a well placed F-bomb can really help you to communicate your point. It's one of the many lessons I look forward to sharing with older Max.

Eating...well, I've decided to accept the phase you're in and try my best. You're getting sneaky though. The other day I made really good cheeseburgers for us and decided it was a day I was willing to battle your stubbornness and make sure you ate a bite of your burger. You ate the whole bun...all the mac and cheese...and all the cheese off the burger and thought you were going to get a treat for that. But I insisted on one bite of the burger. Then I learned that sometimes you reap what you sow. You chewed that burger, spit chewed burger into your hand, put it back, chewed it more and tried to pretend you swallowed it for a good 15 minutes. It reminded me of the time that I kept a piece of meat in my mouth for 3+ hours instead of swallowing it just so I could get up from the table. Eventually, you snuck to the kitchen and spit it in the sink like I couldn't see you through the big proscenium of the kitchen island. In the end, a half treat was awarded for trying.

Your food stuff hits a button for me because I've been a picky eater all my life and it's a habit I'm trying to break at 36...which is way harder. But, I don't want to drive bad habits into you around your attitude towards food, so I'm trying to strike a good balance there.

You continue to be a really affectionate and compassionate kid. You love to hug the people you feel safe hugging and it's so wonderful to see you have so much love to give. You remind me of myself in that way. It's a wonderful quality, never let it go and just continue learning how to tell who is safe to give that love to. I promise that life will reward you.

You're getting a little more adventurous in life. We've spent a lot of this summer in pools and lakes and rivers and boy do you love the water. You're just like your dad in that once you're in a pool, it takes an act of Congress to get you out. Miss Katie and I took you to little city festival for the city of Warren and even though you were really scared to go in the funhouse because it had a creepy clown (which Miss Katie was kind enough to stand in front of so you could eventually get past it), you ran right up to the Scrambler and asked to go on it. I was in high school before I had the nerve to ride that thing. I tried to take you on it, but I was a little too big for the restraint so Miss Katie took you. As I watched, it looked like you were crying...but when the ride stopped I learned you were laughing the whole time. I'm glad to see you live with less fear. It's good to be cautious of things that seem really dangerous, but a life lived in fear is a life that's devoid of experiences. There are so many things I think I missed out on in my life because I was afraid. We'll discuss this concept more after we watch Defending Your Life when you're a little older.

You continue to enjoy music and I've been pleasantly surprised that more and more of the stuff I enjoy is working its way into your palate. When you were born, I started a playlist on Spotify called "Songs for Max" and it grows and grows all the time. Usually, when we're driving around, I'll put it on shuffle and then let you say "No" until we hit a song you like. Sometimes you surprise me. But your favorites lately have been "C is for Cookie" by Cookie Monster, "Changes" by David Bowie, "Blitzkrieg Bop" by the Ramones, "Sunflowers" by Post Malone, and "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon. You also love to sing the Beatles which is a lot of fun!

The family dynamic continues to grow and change for the better. This month Miss Katie and I had a game night with your mom and Bubba. We've found that, as we kind of knew we would, we all get along really well and have fun together. It was really cute and heartbreaking at the same time that you had such trouble falling asleep that night. I came into your room and asked why you weren't asleep and you just pointed through your door to mom's kitchen table where we all were sitting. I said "Do you want to be out there having fun with us?" and you just sadly nodded. Sadly, boundaries are important, so you had to go to sleep. We all feel really lucky that it's working out so well on that front.

To that point, this piece of news should be reported. Your mom and Bubba are getting married! It was a very surprising piece of news to hear and I know I was filled with a flood of different feelings about the whole thing. Mainly just shocked and surprised as it was not the news I was expecting to hear when I dropped you off at mom's for a random Sunday with Nana and Grandpa and mom and Bubba. The main emotion that bubbled up for me was a fear that I was being replaced in your life. It's a fear I've dealt with from the beginning of all of this. But, I've gotten to know Bubba and he's a stand-up guy. He's not someone I worry about trying to replace me as your dad. He knows he's got his own special role in your life. I've always trusted your mom to maintain the vision we have for our family dynamic and this is no different. After I processed that feeling, all I could feel is sincere happiness for your mom that she met someone who works so well with the dynamic we try to create and someone that treats you both well and cares so much about you. I'm very lucky to have the same in Miss Katie. I'm really grateful for how well that works and I'm so hopeful and optimistic for it's continued success. I hope you're enjoying and valuing having so many different people who have your back and are looking out for you all the time.

Our president suggested nuking a hurricane the other day....so that tells you the state of things in the world. I'll be looking forward to what you learn in your American History classes 10 years from now. It should be interesting.

That does it for now. Continue being exactly who you are, that's all any of us ever want from you, period. I love you so much and your mom, Bubba, and Miss Katie do too. We've all got your back! Can't wait to see what September holds!

Love,
Dad

Elvis & Tubbs #3 - Subway to the Country - David Ackles

Oh boy, another album by this sadsack...

Well, at least this one is starting out a little upbeat with Main Line Saloon. It's funny, my friend Ang told me she loves these posts and she was going to check out the last album I wrote about. She said she made it 5 songs and that it just made her too sad. That's a challenge with a project like this. I'm not really in a David Ackles mood right now, but I have to do a post this week because I said I would. This song is really strange and I just don't know what to say about it. I like the musicianship as I did with the last one.

There's No Reason to Cry is next, which if the last album is an indication, is probably just going to be a list of horrible things that will make someone cry. Seems like a song about a guy trying to tell his ex to keep her chin up as they part ways. Just let her feel her feels bro!

This is the second David Ackles album because the list I'm working off of is arranged alphabetically by album. I wonder if I should do one album by each artist and then go back...That seems like a lot to keep track of though.

Now we're on to Candy Man. Starting with a harpsichord, an instrument I've always wished I knew how to play. So this song is about a one-armed candy salesman apparently. It sounds so scary...OH MY GOD THEY DON'T KNOW HIS PLAN...THAT'S EVEN SCARIER! Oh no...I think he's giving kids porn with their candy. What the hell!? There are still 5 songs left.

It's so hard, I really like the music. I really do. It's moody and dark and haunting. But the songs are all so lyrically bleak...I just want someone to throw a pie.

I haven't really been paying too much attention to this song (Out on the Road) but I really dug how it picked up at the end. Sounded like it would be a good song for Ron Burgandy to sing, but the passion in the guy's voice is undeniable and the guitar and brass section is really good. This is the song of the album so far!

Cabin on the Mountain just sounds like a good old fashioned country song. I don't really have much more to say about it. I dig the fiddle, another instrument I wish I could play.

Woman River starts off sounding like the suspense score of a horror movie and moves quickly into sounding like the theme of a 70's Crime Romance Thriller.

So I'm on to Inmates of the Institution and I'm starting to think David Ackles is basically what the Doors would be if they were more straight-laced and square and had never co-opted the blues.

As I'm listening to Subway to the Country, the last song on this record, I'm thinking back on this blog and the last one and thinking that I'm trying really hard to be kind to the albums and maybe I don't need to. I don't know that I'll ever revisit David Ackles again.

Elvis & Tubbs Album # 2 David Ackles Self-Titled

And now for another installment of this project dissecting Elvis Costello's 500 Essential Albums.

#2 is David Ackles self-titled debut album. EC calls this album "The Road To Cairo" which is the first track, which I'm quite enjoying! I've never heard of David Ackles, which was one of the motivations behind this project.

So far, it's kind of like the kind of stuff you'd hear being played in a darkened bar in a noir crime movie from the 70s. I'm really digging this first song. It's got some bluesy feels, a little bit of rock, and I love any time an organ can get itself in there.

The second track is a lot more mellow, but I'm not hating it by any means. It's pretty sad, that's for sure.

Third track in, this is a really sad sounding album in general, not that that's ever a bad thing. I'm at the point where I'm doubting this project because what if there's nothing to say about the music. I'm no music critic. Also, this song has really sad lyrics about memories and reminiscing...but also has instrumentals that sometimes sound like a circus...

Jesus Christ, every single song on this album is so sad...David Ackles was like the Morrisey of the late '60s. This guy has a stellar voice though.

What a Happy Day is a little more uplifting but still has a real somber feeling. I'm definitely seeing his influence on Elvis Costello, especially lyrically.

I'm on to Down River, which was apparently his big song. According to Wikipedia, Elvis Costello and Elton John chose this song to do as a duet on Elvis' TV show because they were both such big fans. I'm definitely enjoying it. There's a real conversational feel to a lot of these songs. Like each song is being sung to one person and everyone else is just listening in. That's most evident in this song.

I spaced out a little during Laissez-Faire, but I noticed my toes tapping the whole time.

Lotus Man has really great basslines. In fact, all of these songs have had really great bass lines. The bass player is the real hero of this album, save for David's voice.

His Name is Andrew starts telling me the story of a guy working in a canning factory and I'm already sad. This is definitely not a "windows down" record, I can tell you that. That's not bad mind you, but man, you need to be in a certain mood for this record. I just looked up the lyrics to confirm...he's definitely saying "God is Dead"....phew man.

Last song...Be My Friend. I'm sure it's about a man who is just begging every person to be his friend and then them being so bummed out because he just wants to talk about pancreatic cancer for like...a really long time. Ok, so I'm not exactly right, but surprise surprise, it's not exactly about two pals going to a ball game either. Although, it does sound a little hopeful. Like, perhaps, being this guy's friend is something that acted as a bright spot in his very very grim life. I like this little acoustic guitar solo at about 3:20-ish. It's really good.

I'm looking at the list....it's alphabetical by artist and there's a second album by this guy...I'll have to wait to do that another day to avoid driving into a forest and just....sitting silently until I starve to death. And don't get it twisted, I dug the album, I really did. It's just very sad.

Elvis & Tubbs - A Project & Album #1 Abba Gold - Abba

In addition to sporadic posts about all of the shenanigans and goings-on in my life, I wanted to add something to keep me regular. Pop cultural Metamucil if you will. To that end, I recently came across a list of 500 albums Elvis Costello considers to be essential. I've decided to attempt to have my own Julie and Julia moment. I'm going to listen to all of these albums and jot down my thoughts stream of consciousness style. Then I'll rank the album in the 500. The rankings will obviously have to evolve. So here we go! We begin with Abba Gold by Abba.

We've clicked play and I'm realizing I've never actually listened to an Abba album before in my life. I don't know if this counts, it's a greatest hits compilation after but here we go.

Dancing Queen, I know this song. I love this song because I've got blood pressure. I'm going to be doing this while I'm working, thoughts will be less sporadic going forward. I feel like Jesse Eisenberg's Mark Zuckerberg in the middle of the social network with less misogyny. Spell check had to teach me to spell that by the way. 

I'm on track two (Knowing Me, Knowing You) and seriously, where have I been on Abba...how could you people let me down like this? I needed someone to tie me to a chair and play me some Abba years ago. Could it be like this for Steeley Dan? The Grateful Dead? SELF DISCOVERY!

Of course, I know this song (Take A Chance on Me), I heard it on the Muppet Show once. I wonder how much of my early musical knowledge came from The Muppet Show? I know it's where I first heard Benny and the Jets or For What It's Worth or anything by Harry Belafonte.

So this is Mama Mia...a song I've only heard in movie trailers. What am I, some sort of cave-dwelling martian!? This is such a good album and I've enjoyed every single song so far. It's a greatest-hits, so I guess that's to be expected.

Ok...so we're in the middle here, the last two songs (Lay All Your Love On Me and Super Trouper) kind of ran together so they are pretty unremarkable. Not bad mind you, just didn't snap me out of my occupationally-induced haze.

I feel like this record has taken a pretty hard turn. We're on I Have A Dream now and I'm certainly not toe-tapping. There's no law saying that I have to be, but this song just isn't doing it for me at the moment. Musically, it sounds like a generic country karaoke song that someone is jamming out on the sitar with, like those guys you see in the underground El stations in Chicago. Not feeling it...

I got kind of lost in The Winner Takes It All. I was just enjoying it and not paying any attention. However, now we're on Money Money Money and I'm...like....what are we doing here?

You're starting to lose me Abba...I like the general sound of Chiquitita, but it's just not hitting me. It is really fun to say though!

Fernando, no duh I loved Fernando. I'm a carbon-based lifeform.

Voulez-Vous is bringing me back in, I'm tapping my toes while I answer e-mails.

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) is a lot of fun. I can imagine I'll be singing this chorus for the rest of the day...I don't know if that angers me or not.

I'm instantly hating Does Your Mother Know, like I'm having an adverse reaction from note one...but now that we're singing and stuff, I'm a little more "on board", but not in love. As it comes to an end, this song has won me over. What a journey that was.

We've moved on to One of Us and man, I'm in love. Even with the weird synthesized...tuba, I think it is, that's a super catchy song.

And we're done. I didn't have too much to say about the last two songs (The Name of the Game and Thank You For The Music) and then there's Waterloo, which I already knew and loved.

So that's that, one album down. I think it's fun to post my stream of consciousness thoughts and leave it at that, so I only edited this for spelling and grammar.

We'll end by saying that, no duh, my favorite song was Dancing Queen. My least favorite song was probably Money, Money, Money.

EC's 500 Albums Power Ranking

1. Abba Gold - Abba

No Joke - Why Humor at Work is Essential

Note: This post originally occurred on my company's internal blog. I got permission to repost it if I wanted to and since I haven't made a post in a while (I'm working on some, I swear) I thought this would be a good time. Enjoy!

I’ve been interested in comedy ever since the age of 5 when I overheard my parents and their friends laughing at a popular stand-up comic on television while I was supposed to be asleep. All I wanted in life was to hear people laugh. In high school, when I watched an improv troupe perform at a local coffee shop, my obsession with doing improv comedy was born. This obsession deepened as I studied acting in college and moved to Chicago to pursue it. I have been doing improv for about 18 years now. 

Recently, I began thinking about how humor can affect the way we work. A friend and fellow improvisor Drew Tarvin has made a career out of using humor at work - his most recent book Humor That Works gave me a whole lot to think about. 

I first met Drew when he came to visit my improv theater while he was working on a book about doing comedy in all 50 states in the US. Drew has a few TEDx talks about using humor at work and refers to himself as a Humor Engineer. Here are a few reasons Drew believes humor is important at work when executed properly: 

1. Studies estimate that 83% of Americans are stressed at their jobs, 55% lack job satisfaction, and 47% struggle to stay happy. This, in turn, costs the US economy nearly one trillion dollars a year in lost productivity, healthcare costs, and turnover. Using humor to reduce stress, engage our workforce and promote more joy in our working lives could lead to real cost savings. Having more humor in our workplace isn’t just a nice idea, it feels like an imperative. 
2. Drew lists 30 benefits of humor in his book, including increasing productivity, enhancing problem-solving skills, encouraging collaboration and even strengthening the immune system and burning calories. Drew suggests that by using humor, we could create an even more positive work culture, strengthen loyalty and morale, boost engagement, and raise profits. 
3. Humor is not without its pitfalls. When used improperly, humor can be distracting, divisive, disparaging and offensive. But if we’re mindful of the ways we use humor, use good timing, make sure everyone can be in on the joke, and make sure we’re not engaging in humor at the expense of others, we can avoid these pitfalls. 

So what do we do? What would it take to inject a little bit more of this into our workday? 

• Play work – making work fun can sometimes be a challenge. But what if it was a game? You could time yourself while doing a task and then see if you could increase your speed the next day. You could compete with a colleague for efficiency. You could have a meeting while going for a walk to get your blood pumping (I’ve done this one and found it quite enjoyable). 
• Spark insight – taking some time for yourself to clear your head before you have to go into a situation requiring critical thinking is a new idea for me. Drew suggests that by doing something fun for 5 – 15 minutes before needing to make an important decision, you’ll warm up your brain and be more prepared to think critically. We can do this by watching a funny video, playing a game, working on a puzzle for a few minutes, or doing a simple improv warm-up game. 
• Reference funny - sometimes, effectively expressing the ideas you want to communicate is difficult. You know what you want to say, but you get blank faces looking back at you. I developed a real knack for creating analogies in these circumstances. It helps my ideas relate to the people I’m communicating with and my analogies get people laughing! Drew suggests that in order to effectively use this skill, keep your analogies simple (they shouldn’t require a great deal of explanation), keep them relevant to what you’re trying to communicate and, of course, make it fun. 

These are just a few of the many ways we could use humor to help us foster creativity, connection, and joy in the place where we spend on average 10.2 years worth of our time during our life. All it takes is ending an e-mail with a pun or a relevant quote or spending a few minutes doing a crossword before you go into a big meeting. 

There’s a lot more excellent information to be found at Drew’s website, including a comprehensive humor database featuring funny pictures, videos, and jokes you can use in presentations and when interacting with colleagues. 

I highly recommend checking out his book.

Dear Max - Month 48

Preface: On my previous blog, I used to write letters to my son every month. I stopped doing it (publicly) around the time of my divorce because I didn't want to write about it publicly. I've written him 3 letters in the past 24 months and kept them private. But now that I have a new blog, I'm ready to start writing him publicly and trying to get back to this as I think it will be a wonderful gift to give him one day.

Dear Max, 

Oh, buddy, it’s been about 15 months since I wrote the last one of these letters and for that,
I’m really sorry. I thought when I randomly wrote the last one that I would pick it back up, but alas, I did
not, but now I’m trying again because I think it will be really valuable. I figured your 4th birthday was a
good place to pick it back up. So to begin, happy fourth birthday my boy. 

So looking back over the three letters that I wrote to you and kept private from the world, there’s a lot
to catch you up on. 

When I last wrote, you were talking a lot more, but it wasn’t more than 2-4 word sentences. We didn’t
really have conversations. Now, there’s just no keeping you quiet and that’s been a blessing and a
curse. I love to talk to you, teach you new words and phrases, and hear your actual thoughts and
feelings about things. It’s really nice for you to be able to let me know why you’re upset or why you’re
happy. Nothing beats picking you up from school and having your eyes light up and having you scream
“DADDY!” while running to me. Every so often, you’ll say “Um” over and over again while you’re
looking for the word you want to say and that can wear thin, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Your eating still concerns me, but everyone has assured me it’s just a phase. Your favorite foods seem
to be the same as they were last time I wrote. You love pizza, chicken nuggets, PB&J, cereal,
pancakes, and mini-muffins. You also dig bananas, grapes, and strawberries. To my knowledge, there are
no veggies that you enjoy, but I’m hoping to break that habit while also breaking it in myself. I’m a
really picky eater and I’m probably projecting but I worry that you’ll pick up my bad habits. For now,
though, we’re trying to let you make your own food choices while also setting boundaries and limits. 

You’re fully potty trained and I actually can’t remember the last time you had an accident. You picked
that one up really quickly. When I last wrote, we had just transitioned you to a big boy bed and you’ve
taken to that really easy. At my house, you tend to get into your bookshelf after I leave you for the night,
so keeping your room clean has been a bit of a challenge (there are books everywhere basically every day
and it’s a battle I’ve chosen not to fight at the time). 

You’re a sweet and compassionate boy. You love to give hugs and kisses to pretty much anyone and
you’ll play with just about anyone. I imagine we’ll have to make sure to explain to you the concept of
stranger danger because you’re very trusting. I’m hopeful we can find a way to teach you to be careful
without being cynical and suspecting that everyone in the world is out to do you harm. 

You love music in a whole new way that you didn’t before. You have favorite songs, songs you know the
words to, songs you sing and dance to, songs you request when we get in the car. Currently, your
favorites are Changes by David Bowie, Born to Lose by Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers,
Blitzkrieg Bop by the Ramones, Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon, and That’s What Makes You
Beautiful by One Direction. You’re really all over the map musically and it makes me really happy. 

You’ve taken on dad’s love of superheroes and comic book stuff and that also makes me really happy. It’s
so wonderful to sit and watch Spiderman movies or Batman cartoons with you and know that when
you’re older, I’ll be able to share the super cool stuff. Man, I can’t wait until you see Heath Ledger as the
Joker. 

Your mom and I have continued to build on our co-parenting family dynamic just as we promised we
would. We’ve both met really wonderful people who we love very much and we’ve added them to the
mix.
You met Bubba (mom’s boyfriend Travis) about 9 months ago and he’s really great with you. I’m very
grateful your mom met someone who fits into our dynamic and respects what we’re trying to do. It’s not
easy and takes a special kind of person. 

You met Miss Katie (my girlfriend) about 6 weeks ago and you guys have become fast friends. She’s
really great with you and you guys love to play together. She has also taken to our dynamic like a duck to
water (do we still have water...and ducks? I’m fearful they may have gone away by the time you read
this…hopefully someone has solved climate change). It’s all going exactly the way your mom and
I hoped it would. We’re all 4 able to hang out together and get along and actually have a really great
time together and I think we’re all going to be a wonderful little family. 

The world is still the world. It’s full of ups and downs. Your dad is the type who looks for the silver linings
and the good whenever he can. It gets really hard sometimes because a lot of people who are in power
are just not very kind. But I’m inspired every day by things that regular people do for their fellow man and
I try to put a lot of my mind there while not burying my head in the sand. 

I think that’s all for now. I love you so much buddy and your mom, Bubba, and Miss Katie do too. We’ve
all got your back, we’re all looking out for you, and we’re excited to see what this next month and year
brings for you. Talk to you next month. 

Love,
Dad

What's in a Name

So you might be asking yourself why this blog is called "Taking a Ten"?

You might know that I have an acting degree (because of course I do) and assume it's a reference to using this blog as a way to "take a break"...and you'd be wrong.

The title is a reference to the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons, a game I've loved and not played enough of throughout my life, no matter how hard I try to find games to get involved in. In D&D, players make choices for their characters and then roll dice (most commonly a 20 sided die) to determine their success or failure. Taking a 10, without diving too deep, means choosing to automatically roll a 10 vs taking the chance. It is assumed that a 10 is just enough to succeed at most routine tasks.

So now you're asking why that's relevant to me? I love how inquisitive you are. I'll happily tell you.

All my life, even when I didn't know I was struggling with it, I've struggled with self-esteem. I've never felt like the people who were close to me were there because they wanted me, it was always because of something I had (a toy, a car, whatever). I never believed that people chose to spend time with me. Even family, who I know loved me, I assumed were just loving me out of obligation.

This feeling has been pervasive in my life and, while I've gotten better at quieting down that voice, it finds a way to get loud now and again. It makes it hard for me to be satisfied, to be grateful for what I have in life. It makes me feel like I'm constantly failing my son, my partner, my friends, and my family, no matter how much these people all love me.

One day I decided I wanted a new tattoo. I wanted something reflecting my enjoyment of D&D. For the longest time, I'd had the idea for a long time of getting a d20. The most common d20 tattoo is the die rolled to a 20 with some sort of exclamation of critical success and I'm not going to take anything away from those people. Good for them for positive self-talk. But it's never been my style. My style is more self-deprecating.

So my thought was the same die rolled to a 1 with a banner that says "Born to Lose". It spoke to my perception of myself as a lovable loser, but I decided, in my newfound quest to love myself more, I didn't want to permanently scar my body with a joke about how much I suck.

So I kept thinking, and I realized that my message to myself was "You are enough." I don't need to be the best at anything. Just by breathing I was deserving of love and respect from myself and from others. I was enough to be a good partner. I was enough to be a good son. A good parent. A good co-parent. A good friend. I was enough and enough is all anyone can truly hope for.

So I talked to some D&D friends, including Dale who DMed my last campaign. I asked them what number they thought symbolized a minimally successful roll of a d20. A lot of numbers went around, but Dale's answer explaining the "Taking a 10" rule (which I didn't know about at the time) was like a sledgehammer to the side of my head. I was in love with the idea and wasted no time.

So now I have a nerdy mental health tattoo motif on my forearms (more on the other tattoo another time), a motto I try to live for and a name for this new blog!

An Introduction

I've been considering coming back to blogging for a long time. Here's the thing...

I'm terrible at it. I don't like to focus on one subject, I like to ramble, but I feel like I've got nothing to say.

But lately, I've realized that I have value and that what I say matters whether anyone reads it or not.

Before I go into what I'm thinking for this blog, let me tell you a little bit about me.

I am a dad, a co-parent, a boyfriend, a son, a pop-culture junkie, a thinker, budding productivity and organization nerd, a reader, a comic book fan, an improviser, a storyteller, a cook, a gamer, a friend, an empath and an extreme extrovert. I'm a mental health advocate suffering from General Anxiety Disorder. I'm a weight loss surgery patient who is constantly trying to live a normal life while working on my health. That's me wrapped in a sweet package with the funny pages used for wrapping paper (God, I loved when people did that)...and I bet there are lots of other small packages inside that I didn't think about. It'll be like when my dad's family through all the wrapping paper into the fire on Christmas morning only to learn later that they had also tossed 7 envelopes with $100 bills into the fire inadvertently, but hopefully less costly and tragic.

This blog is going to go all over the place, but you can expect to find my pithy musings on being a dad, co-parenting, mental health, pop culture, my day to day goings on, life, the universe, and everything.

In our next installment...how, this blog got its name.

Until next time!